Feb 16

How to keep our kids happy after divorce

I read this on a blog by Patrick McMillan and thought hmmmm, wouldnt it be nice if all seperated parents thought like this, please read and enjoy.


My marriage ended just over 2 years ago when our boys were 10 and 7 years old and I was living the “nightmare scenario” I had hoped would never happen to me, and therein lay the first big issue.  This was always in the back of my mind; “what would happen if we get divorced with kids?”  When I first started getting the feeling that our divorce was imminent, I recall repeating to myself “I just want my boys and I to be happy” and to be perfectly honest, at that time their mother’s happiness was not one of my concerns, but I came to learn that her happiness does matter and means everything to our children.  And I have always known what I want most for my children.  I want for them to BE HAPPY.

Okay, so if this is truly what I want and believe, I must do what is necessary to MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Set Your Priorities!

In order for me to be able to make my kid’s mom’s happiness important to me there were a few things I needed to do, and these were some of the most beneficial life changing lesson’s I have ever learned.  But most importantly, by implementing the following practices into my life I could see the affect on my kids was exactly what I wished for…they are happy!

  • Ask for what you WANT! – There is scientific evidence that the concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy effect is real.  You will manifest into your experience that which you focus repeated thought and emotion on.  So I repeat to myself over and over “I will be the best father and ex-husband I can be and I will stop at nothing to make it happen.”
  • Learn to forgive – Know you are forgiving for yourself and your kids.  Practicing forgiveness will not only reap huge benefits to you, but you will be modeling an ability that your children will inherit and benefit from forever.
  • BELIEVE THIS! – The very best thing I can do to ensure my children’s happiness after divorce is to LOVE THEIR MOTHER and wish nothing but the very best for her!  I’m not saying to be “in-love” but rather love her for her contribution to your life.

This last step as you can imagine, is the one I get the most reaction to, especially from men who are allowing themselves to make the ending of their marriage to be a bad experience, but for their children this is THE most important step.

Regardless of the mountain of judgments and criticisms I could make up about my kid’s mom, I can choose to be forgiving and grateful to her for carrying and giving birth to my children, and for being their mom.  This is not difficult when all I need to do is look at my kids.  What she went through both physically and emotionally giving birth to my children I will never comprehend and I can’t help but be thankful to her forever!  When I intentionally think this way the judgments and criticisms disappear.

It is simply a choice to do what it takes to create an environment for our kids that allows them flourish and be happy, and they are so worth our stepping up and letting go of our macho ego and male pride.  I put my children’s happiness at the top of my priority list and would trade my life to ensure it for them.  To forgive and love their mother requires only a small effort comparatively, but returns massive rewards to all of us that will last a lifetime.

It is okay for a dad to teach his children to be compassionate, loving, grateful and forgiving by modeling it for them and doing so multiplies exponentially his children’s chances of leading an amazingly joyful and exciting life!

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